You Can’t Escape What’s Coming For You.

She is dead!.

The old me is dead. I killed the one conscious being I shared thoughts with: fears and success. What happened was done in self-defence. I could not keep going on as I did. We had cohabited the same vessel/entity for most of my conscious life here on earth. Someone had to do it. Someone is me. I had been stagnant and dying with my dreams trapped inside. Hell, No!!!!!!. She no longer deserved to live. It might sound wicked and far removed from society, but it is what it is. She did not understand what I was going through in trying to find my place in the world. OK, maybe she knew what I was going through. She separated herself from me and entered a self-induced coma. She wanted to be far removed from reality. She only thought of herself. She wanted nothing to do with life and hide away from me. She would rather sleep/die than live a day on her terms. MY TERMS!.

When she was alive, she was in constant fear of what the world would say if she came out of her shell and revealed her true self. I had given thought as to how I intend to carry it out. She lived in a constant state of fear of ever been found out as an impostor or told her dreams were not valid.

I admit she had been there to comfort me when I was down and needed someone on my side. she comforted me even with her complete silence. She would step out once in a while to drag back my memory lane of regret.

It was the pandemic and graduation that forced my hand to act. It presented me with new opportunities. The execution was challenging but it was successful. I wasn’t prepared to go through with it. I meant she and I are of the same host. For the longest time, I have battled with what I wanted versus what everyone else wanted to see me doing. It was always like if everyone was happy, then I could live with that.

I was okay with that lifestyle until I noticed the time was not on my side, neither were the finances I needed to live a comfortable lifestyle. I am still sorry it turned out like this.

I am excited to take on the world and no longer deterred to give the new me my best. I have been on a pathfinding journey the whole of last year. It has been a slow process, and I still realize every single day that I am certainly the only one who saves me. To be honest, of course, I knew I had greatness in me but never understood the gravity it came with. That was why I had to let her go.

I killed her, yes I did break loose of the shell/host binding us. There has been a void since she went away. It is almost too late to take back my actions. Breathes!

I hear her draw a long breath.

Oh! no, she is still alive.

I had one job to do even that I couldn’t complete.